Creative Baby Shower Gifts

I went to my first baby shower of the season on Saturday, and I must say I’m pretty excited for what promises to be a great crop of wee little babes this year. I have already held two tiny adorable boys, both of whom are SO CUTE and neither of whom suffered any injuries after being held by me. I have a fear of weak baby necks that I’m working on overcoming. One baby is expected in March directly across the street from me (in other words, in prime snuggling position, plus maybe the parents will need a break sometime and drop him off over here? Mabel loves babies.) and one more expected around the same time a short 15 minute drive away. PLUS, two of my sorority sisters just announced that they are pregnant with their second children! This is truly going to be a banner year for babies that I am allowed to visit and hold.

(I hate to take all the credit, but I’m pretty sure my wedding inspired a lot of these births. Both of my in-town friends that are pregnant were my bridesmaids, and one of Evanshine’s groomsmen just had a baby last month. Also, both sorority sisters mentioned above were at my wedding. Coincidence? I think not. You’re welcome, friends!)

BUT with great babies come great responsibilities – in baby shower gifts. So let me give you a few helpful hints when you are buying baby gifts. File this post under “Pinterest wins,” because I’m pretty sure this excellent advice will go viral instantly.

Without further ado, the best baby shower gift ideas I’ve managed to think up:

1. Mason jars full of coins.

Because paper savings bonds are no longer available (bah humbug!), kids these days just aren’t getting instant savings accounts anymore. Plus, everyone knows that mason jars are the trendiest vehicle for a gift – just check on Pinterest!

No, for real. Let me digress for just one moment. These are real-life screen shots of creative mason jars ideas that I found on Pinterest. Please, someone explain to me how these are good ideas:

Slap a few pieces of lace, burlap and/or twine on that baby and you’ve got yourself the gift to end all gifts. And you know that those new parents will be thrilled to have to keep track of several heavy jars full of coins for ten years or so before the child needs any spending money. Much more practical than a baby carrier or that stroller they’ve been eyeing.

Ta-da! Best gift award, guaranteed.

2. Kittens!

Everyone know that the only thing cuter than a new baby is a new baby wrapped in kitten! Stories of kittens smothering babies in their sleep are totally overblown, and you’ll provide your friend’s baby with a special bond that will last approximately 20 years if they keep the cat indoors, and a little less if it’s an outside pet. Bonus: the new parents can use their runner-up baby names for the kitten. Truly a win-win.

Bonus #2: for the right price, Mabel may be available for this use. Leave your best offer in the comments section of this post.

3. Puppies!

The problem with kittens is they don’t require enough care. Puppies, on the other hand, will need to be housebroken, taught not to chew, taught to sit, shake and roll over, etc. etc. According to this article I read on Facebook, where I get most of my news, the idea that new moms get nothing done is an untruth.  Okay, technically I didn’t read the article, but the title seems to suggest that is the case. If it’s true that new moms don’t get anything done, that means they are probably bored and would like a puppy to play with and train. And please, tell me a cuter baby shower gift than a puppy with a bow around its neck? There isn’t one, unless you could fit that puppy in a mason jar. And monogram the mason jar. Bonus points if you get a dog that may turn out to be vicious, like a pit bull. This will give the new mom the chance to prove to all her friends what a great dog trainer she is when the puppy turns out to be a sweetheart.

Somehow I decided against each of these excellent gift ideas. Instead, I made this little monogrammed wall hanging thing (I need to think of a better name for this, perhaps). Look how cute! Almost makes me want to have a baby so I have an excuse to make one for myself … but then I remember how much fun it is to drink wine on the patio in the summertime and leave trash all over the house, and I reconsider.

Warning: Don’t try making these at home. Here are the things that happened to me whilst staining the wood for this project:

• Forgot to wear rubber gloves; got a little bit of stain on my hands. Bummer.
• Tried to wash out my brush under the sink by using my hands, still with no rubber gloves. Got a LOT more stain on my hands and eventually threw away the brush, which was expensive.
• Knocked over my ironing board, which had some clean shirts to iron, causing said shirts to fall onto the still-wet stained wood. Miraculously, only one shirt was injured. Too bad it was my favorite shirt.
• Had to yell for help from Evanshine, who brought me nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and dish soap. Surprisingly, the dish soap worked best when used with a clean rag. The other chemicals smelled bad and did not work and the scrub brushes I used were painful.

But my hands are no longer brown and it was tooootally worth it. Just don’t try to make it at home. You may be able to purchase it for American cash money soon in my etsy shop, which I’m still working on. Stay tuned. All proceeds from my shop will go to buying myself more Kate Middleton memorabilia, and perhaps a new kitten. All this kitty talk has made me want one.