With the holidays coming up, I’ve decided to take the day off from blogging. I’ve got a lot of Christmas shopping and baking and wrapping to do. I know how many loyal readers out there get upset when I am not available online … so I’ve asked my best friend, Mabel, to step in as a guest blogger. I hope you all are preparing for a MEOW-wy Christmas this year!
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Of course she did. I would have bet you $100 that the Lady ended her introduction with some play on “meow.” She is truly predictable, just like this blog. I’m just shocked that she didn’t find a way to mention her beloved Kate Middleton. I’m so glad the Lady had my toenails ripped out of my tender paws at a young age, just because that means I’m not allowed to go outside and be embarrassed by the Lady in front of the neighborhood cats.
Well, if you want my real feelings, I must first say that my Christmas season has not been very “meow-wy” so far. Gross. I’m sorry about that ridiculous pun. The Lady’s wearing off on me. I also must say I’m not sure where she gets off, telling you I’m her “best friend.” This is the same lady who dresses me in an embarrassing elf t-shirt at Christmastime, discusses my most personal problems and medications on the World Wide Web (are they still calling it that these days?) and finds it hilarious that I may have been (mistakenly, by a new vet that I believe may be afraid of cats) diagnosed with Herpes. And she wonders why I won’t wear my half of the BFF necklace she bought us.
Anyhoo, for some reason, the Lady and Man brought me home a giant tree this year. I love it, which is really saying something, since I hate most things and people. To further please me, they hung cat toys all over the tree and placed a giant water bowl at the base, and I LOVE IT. I spend most of my time under the tree staring up at its glorious branches, or peering on its beauty from afar.
I haven’t decided if I’ll try to climb it or not; I’m generally exercise-averse, but the thought of ruining the Lady’s day by knocking it over and hopefully breaking some of their toys does excite me. However, I would run the risk of them getting rid of the tree, which would ultimately hurt me. So I haven’t decided my plan.
But, being the Lady, she of course put the tree in the most inconvenient spot: directly in front of my window, and she took my chair and stuck it in the office. This is complete BS. They leave me at home all day with nothing to do but look out the window, then they take away the only way I can actually get to the window. Typical.
Also, after they noticed that I enjoy spending time under the tree, they started putting random boxes under it and taking up my space. I demanded that they move them, and they cleared me out a little empty spot to enjoy myself in, but the whole thing is just so predictable. They see I like something, and they take it away. I would run away, if they hadn’t taken my claws, deprived me of any real cat skills, and injected a tracker under my fur.
Well, I’ve had enough of this “blogging.” It seems to take up quite a bit of the Lady’s time, so I thought it would be more enjoyable. I guess I was wrong, just like she was when she recently told someone I haven’t been peeing on stuff lately. Sucker!
Back to staring off into space.
xoxo
P.S. I hate the Ugly Angel.
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