Who Dey

What did you do this weekend? In addition to buying all of the milk at my local Kroger, I went to the Bengals game. You might have heard, but this friendly little winter storm named Cleon visited Kentucky and half the rest of the United States this past weekend, making travel a little … shall we say, dangerous. But a little wintry mix couldn’t stop me, Evanshine, and our friends Courtney (after whom poor Courtney, Jr., may he rest in peace, was named) and Mike from making the trek to cheer our Bengals on to victory. I know of several things worth risking life and limb in a treacherous car ride, and Bengals games are clearly at the top of that list.

If you’ve had the pleasure of attending a Bengals game or marrying one of their superfans, you have heard their ridiculous “fight song.” I think that a Barney (as in the purple dinosaur) employee may have been fired for writing dumb lyrics and then hired on by the Bengals to pen this little ditty. It’s truly silly, as you will see. No offense to Evanshine, who sings this song around the house from time to time. But maybe that songwriter did have a little musical genius in him, because as I lived the life of a dedicated Bengals fan yesterday, I realized that the lyrics actually described my day! Or should I say, my who-Dey. See what I mean:

Hear that Bengal growlin',

This would be me. I was growlin’ as soon as I woke up and heard the freezing rain on my roof. I growled some more when I looked at the temperature (24°) and then the forecast high for the day (27°). Me no like cold weather.

  

Mean and ang-a-ree,

Still me. I tend to get mean and ang-a-ree when I’m cold. We picked up quite a few hand and food warmers, but my toe warmers malfunctioned when they got wedged too tight inside my weird and ugly “hiking boots” that I was lucky enough to find in my basement left over from my middle school Girl Scout Camp experiences. I use the term “hiking boots” loosely because they are Candie’s brand. See?

  

By the way, when you decide to pull your middle school fashion mistakes out of storage, I highly suggest pairing them with skinny jeans. Great look if I do say so myself. 

Here he comes a prowlin',

We were pretty much prowlin’ as we drove up I-75 to Cincinnati. If by prowlin’ you mean going 45 and sometimes being momentarily blinded by the disgusting goop flying off of maniac truckers passing you in the slow lane. I think I’ve discovered a new anxiety of mine – death by snowstorm. I hereby apologize to my fellow passengers for screaming “TRUCK! EVERYBODY FOCUS!” when truckers tried to pass us.  But hello, haven’t you seen the terrifying results of a wreck with a semi? No thanks.

Please note the ice on the sunroof.

Lean and hung-a-ree,

I was pretty hung-a-ree all day long. I ate approximately 25 donut holes on the drive up, then two “chili wieners” as the Skyline employee pleasantly called them when she delivered them to my table, then some cheese fries at Cheddar’s back in Lexington as a celebration of surviving the game.

We were not, however, looking our leanest with approximately all of our clothes on under our puffy coats. You see?

An offensive brute,

These would be the fans sitting directly behind us. They did not care for me and Courtney, who they said “acted like we just came from church.” I wonder if they would have changed their minds about us if we’d taken them up on a sip from their colostomy bags filled with Buffalo Trace? They were kind of offensive, but I also kind of loved them. They went to a strip club after the game. Too bad they didn’t invite us to join.

They did like Evan, though, because of his sweet ‘fit:

Somebody still has stage fright about being shown on my blog. 

Run, pass, or boot,

Boot? Did I mention my boots?

And defensively he's rough! Tough!

You know what else was tough? Scraping the sludge off my car at a gas station on the way up. Thanks, Evanshine. You’re a peach.

Cincinnati Bengals,
That's the team we're gonna cheer to vic-to-ry!

Touchdown Bengals!
Get some points up on that board
and win a game for Cincinnati!

Indeed we did. The Bengals defeated the Colts and solidified Evan’s place at the top of his fantasy league for another week. Sorry, colts. I do wish Cincinnati would take after you and build an indoor stadium, though. I might be a better, less ang-a-ree fan if they did.