Never Mind!

On Tuesday, I said that Evanshine gave me the go-ahead to buy a hedgehog for my Christmas gift to myself! This was not entirely true. I do believe we would have eventually reached an agreement where I got to adopt one of those little cuties, and had I not done some extensive research online, I'm pretty sure there would be one sitting in my lap right now. However, my research revealed that hedgehogs are, in fact, filthy little creatures who seem not to have many redeeming qualities.

I read the hedgehog Bible - Pet African Hedgehogs: A Complete Guide to Care, available for free on the website of a local hedgehog breeder. I had to double check that it was a real link and not just some spam, because OMG, it really turned me off of "hedgies."  Allow me to explain...

The book provided a little quiz to see if you were suited to hedgie adoption. If you answered "yes" to all of the questions on the checklist, you passed the first stage and could continue to read the entire 124-page manual. First up:

[  ]  I understand that hedgehogs are nocturnal and I can't change this.

OK, fine. I like to sleep, too. So far, so good.

[  ]  I understand that I will be poked by my hedgehog.

Hmm. This sounds a little less appealing. But I guess that is to be expected. I'll answer yes.

[  ]  I understand that hedgehogs are expensive and I have money saved for emergencies.

Hold on. What do you mean, expensive? I see the price tag of around $225-$275. I'm okay with that. But do they have to, like, go to the vet? I thought animals that could fit in your palm didn't have to do that.

[  ]  I understand that some hedgehogs are grumpy and never become friendly.

Me too. So is Mabel. A hedgehog would fit right in!

[  ]  I understand that hedgehogs do defecate and urinate on people, sometimes frequently.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That is pretty gross. Do they provide diapers with these things? And, excuse me, but what does "sometimes frequently" mean?

If the points above haven't turned you away, and you answered yes truthfully to everything on the checklist, a hedgie might be a great fit for you!

Uhhh... Please, show me one person who wouldn't honestly be "turned away" by the idea of getting poked, peed and pooped on by a very expensive, nocturnal animal. But I shall continue to read the manual, because maybe they have some redeeming qualities.

Ew, gross. Frothing and foaming at the mouth, but no rabies? I'm confused.

And here's where it gets really gross. You may want to quit reading here if you have a weak stomach or are a visual reader like me.

This is where they really started to lose me. Boy time? Ick!, and the fact that you might have to use nail polish remover to clean up after them is downright disturbing. No thank you. Another cat is looking more appealing every day...

OH SICK. I am grumpy enough when I wake up without the task of uncaking poop from tiny little hedgehog feet. I think I am not cut out for hedgehog ownership, unfortunately. But they really are cute. Search for them on Pinterest and see what I mean if you don't believe me!

So, this is why I have changed my mind and will not be dropping a few hundred dollas on a hedgie. I am, of course, still open to the thought of puppies, kittens, micro-pigs and possibly a rabbit. Stay tuned.