Hello there, readers. (I doubt there are any). Mabel here. You may have heard about me
before on this blog, though I can promise you that any stories Allison has told
about me destroying things, being rude, peeing on stuff, etc. are absolutely
false and fabricated by a pathetic human in a sad attempt to get sympathy from
the Internet. GET SOME REAL LIFE FRIENDS, ALLISON.
Anyhoo, you may or may not be aware that I recently joined
Facebook. I’ve heard quite a bit about it lately, and was wondering WHETHER ANY
OF MY FRIEND OR FAMILY KNEW WHAT IT WAS. Well, being the innovative cat that I
am I joined, and it’s just as glorious as the commercials suggest. The
things that connect you humans connect us cats too.
I have noticed that there seems to be a little bit of
confusion as to how to behave on Facebook. I’m here to “shed” (HA, CAT
JOKE) a little light on the subject with a short list of “Must-Dos.”
- TO BE SURE THAT YOU GET
YOUR POINT ACROSS, MAY I SUGGEST ALL CAPS?
It’s a proven fact that no one reads posts on Facebook if
you’re writing in lowercase letters. Might as well call them invisible letters,
because that’s how much people are going to look at them. Not at all.
See what I did there? As you’re scrolling through your
newsfeed, you can’t help but notice that I (1) am bummed out that it’s Monday,
and (2) tricked my roomies into thinking I was dying this morning. It’s
undeniable that #2 is hilarious, so you’re welcome for posting. Just think, if
I’d written in invisible letters, you never would have seen it.
- IF IT’S A MEDICAL, EMBARRASSING, OR JUST PLAIN GROSS CONFESSION, PLEASE POST IMMEDIATELY.
Some might be ashamed to admit that they are under the care
of a psychiatrist, but I ain’t ashamed. I REPRESENT the problem of cat anxiety to all those I
meet (not that I meet many … my anxiety really is crippling and I spend most of
my time under the bed when my roomies have friends over).
You probably notice that I didn’t just post about my anxiety
for the sake of posting, but I disguised it as a complaint about the rising
price of healthcare. That’s a Facebook favorite these days. THANKS, OBAMA.
Also, if you’re confused about how your medical history may
affect your everyday life, ASK YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS. You’ll be amazed at the wealth of information your FB
friends can provide.
- COMPLAINTS IN DISGUISE
ALWAYS GET THE MOST FEEDBACK.
It’s no secret that I hate everybody. EVERYBODY. (Yes, you
too, Evanshine). It’s really fun to publicize this repeatedly, though.
- ESPECIALLY COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS.
See? I like to make a
complaint with just enough detail that the one I am complaining about
immediately recognizes it. (AHEM, ALLISON). Then, if your friends ask what’s
up, as they should, you can explain in even MORE detail. Good things come to
those who READ THE COMMENTS.
- IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF CURRENT EVENTS, FACEBOOK > GOOGLE.
I don’t read the paper, or watch the news. Obviously. I am
busy enough napping in the sun all day. So when I hear a little snippet of a
current event, I just post on FB and usually someone can help me out. I trust
my friends’ summaries of the news more than I trust the News itself.
- YOU SIMPLY CANNOT GO WRONG WITH A SELFIE.
Even
if it makes you look fat.
You're welcome, friends. Now leave me some love in the comments section (which Allison finally figured out how to use, so you should be able to actually leave a comment now), or email me at mabelthecatbuckley@gmail.com. (I am pretty bad about checking my email, though, so be warned).
MAYBZ FOR PREZ
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