HOW TOesday: Alienate Your Daughter

Here I am again, back to give you more useful insights into life. If you're anything like my mom, you are printing off these HOW TOesday posts and storing them in a folder marked "Important" or "Useful Tips." Thanks for that.

Anyway, tonight as friends were arriving to watch a double-header of the Bachelorette, we noticed someone has been pranking me on my own anniversary typewriter:

Say what?

You may notice a "mom was here!" in the bottom corner of the page. Naturally, my top suspect at first was my mom. I have since confirmed, however, that the culprit was my father, a full-grown man and my own flesh and blood.

So today I am filing paperwork to legally emancipate myself from my father, a la Drew Barrymore. Accordingly, I am up for adoption. Applicants with a spare trust fund or vacation homes in Maine, Park City, or the South of France will be preferred. You can apply by becoming an f-ing follower of my blog! (I still only have two...which seems impossible given the useful and interesting content.)