Kids These Days

I am worried that kids these days are being taught scary things in school. Frightening. Let me explain. My friend’s almost-three-year-old, Little Allison, came over to my house the other night to watch Sweet Home Alabama with me. Not the movie, but the new slice of TV heaven on CMT Friday nights that is basically a low-budget rip-off of the Bachelorette where one lucky lady gets to choose her lifelong mate from 11 country boys (read: Good Ole Boys) and 11 city folk (aka guys with serious egos and cheetah print tank tops). Ahem. Back to my story.

Little Allison looks a little like this:

(OK, that is my face as a child slapped on Little Allison’s body. Privacy is key here at the tudor house blog. Also, don't be jealous of my bangs.) Can we just take a moment and look at how cute her jeggings and boots are? She is a stylish grown up trapped in a teeny tiny body!

Little Allison also takes dance lessons and has learned some seriously sweet moves:

I should probably also mention that Little Allison is not technically this little girl’s real name. I have changed her name to make sure that all you child molesters out there reading my blog don’t try to track down Baby Allison and kidnap her after you read this post. But it’s pretty fair to say that most of my friends have named or plan to name their children after me, so this “alias” is not too far from the truth.

Anyway, during a commercial break, Baby Allison sung us a little Thanksgiving Song that she has been taught in preschool. The lyrics are as follows, to the tune of “Frere Jacques:”

Mr. Turkey, Mr. Turkey,

Big and Fat, Big and Fat,

I AM GOING TO EAT YOU, I AM GOING TO EAT YOU,

Just like that. Just like that.

When you sing “I AM GOING TO EAT YOU,” you’re supposed to make a shoveling motion into your mouth, as if you’re eating turkey by the actual handful. This is terrifying, even for brave grown-ups like myself.

So parents, beware. If your children come home with nightmares and the desire to become vegetarians, consider requesting that their teachers don’t teach them such freaky songs. You are welcome for this very timely public service announcement.

Don't worry. I'll be back to my regularly scheduled cat posts next week. I just felt the need to warn the parents of the world about a new danger facing their children.

EDITED:  I must apologize to my dear friend Anna. You may remember her as baby Mabel's godmother. It somehow slipped my mind that Anna was also watching Sweet Home Alabama with me, and also regaled me with a turkey-themed song. This viewing party sounds like it was a pretty wild time, huh? I cannot tell you the tune to Anna's song, but the lyrics are as follows:

One fat turkey I'll beeeeeeee
Spent all night in a treeeeeee
Cook came around
Couldn't be found
That's why I'm here you see!

Now, this is a little old-school, perhaps, because no one gets eaten by the handful, but I somehow feel it's a bit less terrifying than Little Allison's song.