Creative Gender Reveal Ideas

Have you ever noticed how there are a huge number of pins on Pinterest that look awesome when you scroll down the homepage - 20 great Christmas present ideas! 10 best easy baby shower ideas! 5 minute workout that makes you look like THIS (insert professional athlete body shot obviously stolen from cover of hardcore fitness magazine) - that are way less awesome when you actually click on them? Most of the time those "5 minute workout" pins lead you to some random person's MySpace page where they just post pictures of themselves in a sports bra. And Pinterest, just because you stick something in a jar with a ribbon around it, doesn't mean it's a great gift idea.

I was thinking about this about a month ago, when my dear friend and neighbor Leslie, who is with child, was getting ready to find out if my little future neighbor baby was a girl or a boy. Our exchange went a little something like this:
Me, thinking about the gender reveal parties I've seen professionally photographed and catered lately on Facebook and hoping I'd get the invite: mini-food buffet, don't mind if I do!: So, are you going to have a gender reveal party?

Leslie: No, I think we'll just ask the doctor to tell us what it is.

Me: Okay.

Me, in my head: I'm pretty sure she is asking me to find out what the baby is secretly, set up an awesome reveal, and then surprise her and her husband, "Big Max." I bet there are some seriously awesome Surprise Your Neighbor With the Gender of Their Unborn Child in These 5 Easy Steps pins on Pinterest. Pinterest has everything.

Me, out loud and very nonchalantly: Do you want me to find out, then set up an awesome surprise?

Me, in my head: What if...I bought a goldfish then dyed the water pink or blue depending on the gender, then just set the whole fishbown on Leslie's porch and let her or Big Max find it when they walk outside?  YES! Awesome plan! I can't wait till Leslie says yes! Play it cool...

Leslie: Oh, that's okay, I really think I'm too impatient to wait anyways! I'll just find out then send out a text saying what it is.

Me, devastated but continuing to think through my Great Goldfish Plan: I wonder if food coloring would kill a goldfish? Probably. Evanshine's sister is a vet. Maybe I should text her? That might be kind of depressing if, by the time Leslie found the fish bowl, the fish had already died. Also, I'm not sure leaving a fish bowl unattended on someone's porch is a good idea. Seems like one of our friendly neighborhood cats might snatch himself a little filet-o-fish as it walked by. An empty bowl of blue water could be a confusing and depressing way to find out you're having a boy...

Me, out loud: Yeah, okay. Sounds good. Probably for the best. Just let me know when you find out!

SCENE.

Keep in mind, dear readers, that though I was a creative writing major in college, I did not, surprisingly, take a playwriting class. I know you are probably shocked based on this script, but you'll probably be shocked by a number of things on this blog in the months and years to come, so get used to it. I also would like you to know that I googled "nonchalantly" and it is a word, according to thefreedictionary.com. I assume that a number of movie producers will soon be beating down my door and asking to buy my screenplay, and to them I say, contact my attorney. His name is Evanshine and he is a shark. He got me out of a speeding ticket not six months ago. We are married so I get a good billable rate.

So, after being gently let down by Leslie, I did a quick perusal of Pinterest to see if they had any ideas as awesome as the old fish in a bowl thing. In short, they did not. They had approximately three basic ideas for gender reveal: (1) put pink or blue balloons in a box and open it. Color me not impressed. Bill and Giuliana already did that in People magazine, so I believe it's too late for the rest of us. (2) Cake or cupcakes filled with pink or blue icing. Again, not impressed. That's how Josh and Anna Duggar found out the gender of their wee little babe on the Today show a few years ago. That's soo 2009. And, (3) Hold a string with paper letter spelling out B-O-Y or G-I-R-L across your baby bump. That is not a gender reveal idea; it's a photo op. Get it straight, Pinterest. Get some fish-in-a-bowl-of-dyed-water ideas, ASAP. Wouldn't you like to open your door to find this on your porch?

Meet Mabel, Jr.

Before someone throws animal blood all over my blog, I did not actually dye Mabel, Jr.'s water blue. I did some Internet research and learned that people get upset when you dye fish water blue, and that makes sense to me. So I just put him in a blue jar with blue rocks. You get the idea.

Now, readers, be a dear (dears) and pin this post to your Pinterest accounts with a caption like "Greatest and Most Creative Gender Reveal EVER!!! Pin now, use later!" immediately. I'm heading to Pinterest just as soon as I hit "Publish" here.

Oh, and by the way, Mabel, Sr. liked Mabel, Jr. a little too much.

So I took him to work with me where he will live happily ever after.