HOW TOesday: Birdy-Themed Sip & See

If you haven't been counting along at home, this is my forty-first post. The traditional gift to readers in honor of the forty-first post is to introduce a Regular Column. Well, just call me Ann Landers, because this is HOW TOesday. Punny, I know. This week? A lesson on how to create the most perfect, birdy-themed Sip and See in the history of the world. It's okay for me to brag because I was only a co-host of this marvelous shower, so all the great ideas and decorations came from my co-hosts, and all the mistakes (including forgetting the invitation that we intended to frame at home) came from me. Here we go!

Now, just call me Prissy, because I don't know nothin' bout birthin' no babies. So the first step is to pick friends upon whom you can rely to have some cute ones. Seven ago, I picked out my friend Meghan for this very reason. You may remember Meghan from giving birth to my favorite three-and-a-half-year-old, Hadley. Well, she has been at it again, this time naming the little one …

In this case, Meghan had already birthed her baby, so we threw a "sip and see" where we sipped champagne and saw the baby. I highly recommend this option, because even the mommy got to have some champagne.

Step Two: If you find yourself surrounded by friends giving birth, may I suggest investing in some Martha Stewart paper punching tools. I found the one used to make the above banner at Michael's and used a 50% off coupon, so I truly couldn't afford not to buy it. That's what I told Evan, anyway. I don't think he was listening.

Step Three: Pick a theme and stick to it. We chose to put a bird on it, because birdies are adorable. 

Please note the bird cages and birdies holding up the tassel banner. I'm sure all of our guests immediately recognized the theme for the party. If you want to have a tassel banner without spending enough money on etsy to buy your own baby on the black market, consider this tutorial that I found on Pinterest. I guarantee that the process is both easy and really fun for cats to watch/assist.

Step Four: Whip up some delicious food and drink, but only if everything on the menu is the same color. Try not to stress out too much when the cute paper straws you find do not match the shade of the ribbons you use to tie around the mason jar cups, and when the yellow of the lemonade mix does not precisely match the yellow paper flags you tape on the straws. [Courtney!] Life will probably go on.

photo credit: Anna "Girard" Liebowitz

I really wish I could take credit for these cookies. It blows my mind that Anna's friend made these by hand. Tune in next HOW TOesday to read Anna's guest post on how to find a friend with such skills.

See instructions for this tasty treat below, found on Pinterest in the dreaded photo with no instructions. Keep in mind that Rice Krispie Treats are incredibly lazy when they get to room temperature and will not necessarily stand up straight for the entire party. But they do look cute for a quick photo op.

Please take a moment to appreciate the fact that my co-host Courtney (co-winner of the inaugural Queen's Cup, in case you forgot) was able to function given the varying shades of pink and yellow seen above. We weren't sure that she'd come out alive.

Finally, Step Five: Sip your champagne and see that precious baby!

photo credit: Anna "Girard" Liebowitz

 

These two brides-babies (Babies of my bridesmaids? Is that a thing?) were born three days apart. I like to believe that my wedding inspired their birth. That's Max Jr. on the left and Ava on the right. As you can see by Max trying to play coy, they are already madly in love and all the readers of my blog will be invited to their wedding sometime in 2039. Right, Meghan? It's okay, I think there are only about 5.

Well, now that I write this post and share all these pictures, I am starting to think the point of this post was not, in fact, to teach you how to do anything but to show off these pretty pictures. Thanks for sticking with me. In exchange for your attention, I'd like to share my best tips for Rice Krispies on a Stick:

First, make a DOUBLE BATCH of Rice Krispies. I only made a single batch and ended up with odd-shaped rectangles that did not hold up to sitting on display. You can choose to add a few drops of red food coloring to the marshmallow mix as you heat it up if you'd like to double up on your pink. I was terrified that Courtney would murder me if I brought too many different shades to the party, plus Evan lost all of our food coloring after he insisted on dying our chili con queso green at his family's St. Patrick's Day party, so I restrained myself.

I'm sure you know how to make Rice Krispies, but in case you're like me and your mother would only make the healthy version with peanut butter instead of marshmallows when you were little, here's the quick how-to:

Gather your ingredients/supplies: 

8 T butter

20 oz mini-marshmallows

2 t vanilla

12 C rice krispies

1 package melting candy (I got it at Michael's)

1 package cake ball sticks

1 spool tiny pink ribbon

Heat the butter and marshmallows over low heat in a large saucepan. Keep your phone nearby so you can browse Facebook while the stuff melts, because it takes forever. Remove from heat, add vanilla, and then stir in the cereal. Press into a greased 9x13 baking pan. This will seem very full, but that's a good thing. Also a good thing are straight edges, so if you have some kind of boxy baking pan, use that instead of one with curvy edges. Let your treats cool.

This is where it gets tricky. NOT. (Don't see a lot of "NOT" these days, do you?) Cut the treats into squares - about as wide as the pan is deep. Stick a cake stick into each. Melt the candy, dip each treat in and set it on wax paper to cool. After they're cool, tie a tiny bow on each stick, line them up on a cute platter, and sit back and let people think this process was really hard.

I'll be back next HOW TOesday with tips on something new. Stay tuned.

Creative Baby Shower Gifts

I went to my first baby shower of the season on Saturday, and I must say I’m pretty excited for what promises to be a great crop of wee little babes this year. I have already held two tiny adorable boys, both of whom are SO CUTE and neither of whom suffered any injuries after being held by me. I have a fear of weak baby necks that I’m working on overcoming. One baby is expected in March directly across the street from me (in other words, in prime snuggling position, plus maybe the parents will need a break sometime and drop him off over here? Mabel loves babies.) and one more expected around the same time a short 15 minute drive away. PLUS, two of my sorority sisters just announced that they are pregnant with their second children! This is truly going to be a banner year for babies that I am allowed to visit and hold.

(I hate to take all the credit, but I’m pretty sure my wedding inspired a lot of these births. Both of my in-town friends that are pregnant were my bridesmaids, and one of Evanshine’s groomsmen just had a baby last month. Also, both sorority sisters mentioned above were at my wedding. Coincidence? I think not. You’re welcome, friends!)

BUT with great babies come great responsibilities – in baby shower gifts. So let me give you a few helpful hints when you are buying baby gifts. File this post under “Pinterest wins,” because I’m pretty sure this excellent advice will go viral instantly.

Without further ado, the best baby shower gift ideas I’ve managed to think up:

1. Mason jars full of coins.

Because paper savings bonds are no longer available (bah humbug!), kids these days just aren’t getting instant savings accounts anymore. Plus, everyone knows that mason jars are the trendiest vehicle for a gift – just check on Pinterest!

No, for real. Let me digress for just one moment. These are real-life screen shots of creative mason jars ideas that I found on Pinterest. Please, someone explain to me how these are good ideas:

Slap a few pieces of lace, burlap and/or twine on that baby and you’ve got yourself the gift to end all gifts. And you know that those new parents will be thrilled to have to keep track of several heavy jars full of coins for ten years or so before the child needs any spending money. Much more practical than a baby carrier or that stroller they’ve been eyeing.

Ta-da! Best gift award, guaranteed.

2. Kittens!

Everyone know that the only thing cuter than a new baby is a new baby wrapped in kitten! Stories of kittens smothering babies in their sleep are totally overblown, and you’ll provide your friend’s baby with a special bond that will last approximately 20 years if they keep the cat indoors, and a little less if it’s an outside pet. Bonus: the new parents can use their runner-up baby names for the kitten. Truly a win-win.

Bonus #2: for the right price, Mabel may be available for this use. Leave your best offer in the comments section of this post.

3. Puppies!

The problem with kittens is they don’t require enough care. Puppies, on the other hand, will need to be housebroken, taught not to chew, taught to sit, shake and roll over, etc. etc. According to this article I read on Facebook, where I get most of my news, the idea that new moms get nothing done is an untruth.  Okay, technically I didn’t read the article, but the title seems to suggest that is the case. If it’s true that new moms don’t get anything done, that means they are probably bored and would like a puppy to play with and train. And please, tell me a cuter baby shower gift than a puppy with a bow around its neck? There isn’t one, unless you could fit that puppy in a mason jar. And monogram the mason jar. Bonus points if you get a dog that may turn out to be vicious, like a pit bull. This will give the new mom the chance to prove to all her friends what a great dog trainer she is when the puppy turns out to be a sweetheart.

Somehow I decided against each of these excellent gift ideas. Instead, I made this little monogrammed wall hanging thing (I need to think of a better name for this, perhaps). Look how cute! Almost makes me want to have a baby so I have an excuse to make one for myself … but then I remember how much fun it is to drink wine on the patio in the summertime and leave trash all over the house, and I reconsider.

Warning: Don’t try making these at home. Here are the things that happened to me whilst staining the wood for this project:

• Forgot to wear rubber gloves; got a little bit of stain on my hands. Bummer.
• Tried to wash out my brush under the sink by using my hands, still with no rubber gloves. Got a LOT more stain on my hands and eventually threw away the brush, which was expensive.
• Knocked over my ironing board, which had some clean shirts to iron, causing said shirts to fall onto the still-wet stained wood. Miraculously, only one shirt was injured. Too bad it was my favorite shirt.
• Had to yell for help from Evanshine, who brought me nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and dish soap. Surprisingly, the dish soap worked best when used with a clean rag. The other chemicals smelled bad and did not work and the scrub brushes I used were painful.

But my hands are no longer brown and it was tooootally worth it. Just don’t try to make it at home. You may be able to purchase it for American cash money soon in my etsy shop, which I’m still working on. Stay tuned. All proceeds from my shop will go to buying myself more Kate Middleton memorabilia, and perhaps a new kitten. All this kitty talk has made me want one.

Kids These Days

I am worried that kids these days are being taught scary things in school. Frightening. Let me explain. My friend’s almost-three-year-old, Little Allison, came over to my house the other night to watch Sweet Home Alabama with me. Not the movie, but the new slice of TV heaven on CMT Friday nights that is basically a low-budget rip-off of the Bachelorette where one lucky lady gets to choose her lifelong mate from 11 country boys (read: Good Ole Boys) and 11 city folk (aka guys with serious egos and cheetah print tank tops). Ahem. Back to my story.

Little Allison looks a little like this:

(OK, that is my face as a child slapped on Little Allison’s body. Privacy is key here at the tudor house blog. Also, don't be jealous of my bangs.) Can we just take a moment and look at how cute her jeggings and boots are? She is a stylish grown up trapped in a teeny tiny body!

Little Allison also takes dance lessons and has learned some seriously sweet moves:

I should probably also mention that Little Allison is not technically this little girl’s real name. I have changed her name to make sure that all you child molesters out there reading my blog don’t try to track down Baby Allison and kidnap her after you read this post. But it’s pretty fair to say that most of my friends have named or plan to name their children after me, so this “alias” is not too far from the truth.

Anyway, during a commercial break, Baby Allison sung us a little Thanksgiving Song that she has been taught in preschool. The lyrics are as follows, to the tune of “Frere Jacques:”

Mr. Turkey, Mr. Turkey,

Big and Fat, Big and Fat,

I AM GOING TO EAT YOU, I AM GOING TO EAT YOU,

Just like that. Just like that.

When you sing “I AM GOING TO EAT YOU,” you’re supposed to make a shoveling motion into your mouth, as if you’re eating turkey by the actual handful. This is terrifying, even for brave grown-ups like myself.

So parents, beware. If your children come home with nightmares and the desire to become vegetarians, consider requesting that their teachers don’t teach them such freaky songs. You are welcome for this very timely public service announcement.

Don't worry. I'll be back to my regularly scheduled cat posts next week. I just felt the need to warn the parents of the world about a new danger facing their children.

EDITED:  I must apologize to my dear friend Anna. You may remember her as baby Mabel's godmother. It somehow slipped my mind that Anna was also watching Sweet Home Alabama with me, and also regaled me with a turkey-themed song. This viewing party sounds like it was a pretty wild time, huh? I cannot tell you the tune to Anna's song, but the lyrics are as follows:

One fat turkey I'll beeeeeeee
Spent all night in a treeeeeee
Cook came around
Couldn't be found
That's why I'm here you see!

Now, this is a little old-school, perhaps, because no one gets eaten by the handful, but I somehow feel it's a bit less terrifying than Little Allison's song.