Guest Post: Weekend Recap by Mabel Buckley

Hello again, friends. I am back and you are welcome.

I come with tales of the weekend past, because I hear weekend recap posts are very popular in the blog-o-sphere and, let’s face it, Allison’s blog needs all the help it can get. So, what did I do this weekend? Entertain yourself on Facebook or Twitter or something while I consult my Day Planner since I haven’t fully grasped the concept of breaking life down into “days.”

OK, I’m back. This weekend was especially glorious for me, because the humans went somewhere on Thursday night and left me with some much-needed peace and quiet for the whole weekend. I used this peace and quiet very well.

First, took a bunch of selfies. #HOTTIE #AMIRIGHT?



#DUCK FACE



ME HUNGEE



#THOUGHTS



#STARIN OFF INTO SPACE...THE FUTURE IS SO BRIGHT, I NEED SUNGLASSES.

 

JUST BEIN SHY



OH THERE YOU ARE. #WELL HELLO

 

#CAT #CATS #ILOVECATS

Next, I mowed down (pop culture reference that you are probably too old and out of touch to understand) on some delicious #WET FOOD.
 

 

#NOMNOMNOM #FOODIE

#IUSEDTHENICEPLATESSINCETHEHUMANSWEREGONE

#ANDILEFTTHEMDIRTYINTHESINK

Don't worry, I ate dry food too. #PIGGIE #ICANTSTOP #IWONTSTOP

Updated my Facebook frequently and using all the tips of the trade I’ve picked up in the last two weeks of Facebook activity. I now have 33 friends, and I’m thinking about joining some new groups to meet friends online. The real life people I know just aren’t cutting it lately.

Oh yeah, I started an online business this weekend. Etsy may be the rage right now, but my homespun treasures come in the form of online "What Kind of Cat are You?" personality quizzes. If you want one, add me on Facebook: Mabel Buckley. Obviously I took Evan's name when Allison got married. I never liked her anyway.

 

I had quite a bit of response my first week of work, but I'm still trying to collect on a few accounts receivable. #DEADBEATS #MOMONEYMOPROBLEMS

Then I had a friend over to take some more shots of myself.

 

 

#MOREOFMETOLOVE #IT’SNOTAFATPOUCH,IT’SPRIMORDIAL
#KIMKKAT

Of course Allison and Evan came home earlier than expected on Sunday, saying it was Evan’s “birthday.” I had totally forgotten about that but luckily I’d already thrown up a hairball on the entryway rug so I just told Evan that was what I got him. #HOMEMADE

I guess that was it. When I started this post I honestly thought I had done more, but now that I think about it, I did just kind of use this weekend to relax, unplug myself from technology, and just veg a little. Hope you spent your time as wisely as I did.

HOW TOesday: Facebook Etiquette for Newbies (Guest Post by Mabel Buckley)

Hello there, readers. (I doubt there are any). Mabel here. You may have heard about me before on this blog, though I can promise you that any stories Allison has told about me destroying things, being rude, peeing on stuff, etc. are absolutely false and fabricated by a pathetic human in a sad attempt to get sympathy from the Internet. GET SOME REAL LIFE FRIENDS, ALLISON.

Anyhoo, you may or may not be aware that I recently joined Facebook. I’ve heard quite a bit about it lately, and was wondering WHETHER ANY OF MY FRIEND OR FAMILY KNEW WHAT IT WAS. Well, being the innovative cat that I am I joined, and it’s just as glorious as the commercials suggest.  The things that connect you humans connect us cats too.

I have noticed that there seems to be a little bit of confusion as to how to behave on Facebook.  I’m here to “shed” (HA, CAT JOKE) a little light on the subject with a short list of “Must-Dos.”

1. TO BE SURE THAT YOU GET YOUR POINT ACROSS, MAY I SUGGEST ALL CAPS?

It’s a proven fact that no one reads posts on Facebook if you’re writing in lowercase letters. Might as well call them invisible letters, because that’s how much people are going to look at them. Not at all.

 

See what I did there? As you’re scrolling through your newsfeed, you can’t help but notice that I (1) am bummed out that it’s Monday, and (2) tricked my roomies into thinking I was dying this morning. It’s undeniable that #2 is hilarious, so you’re welcome for posting. Just think, if I’d written in invisible letters, you never would have seen it. 

2. IF IT’S A MEDICAL, EMBARRASSING, OR JUST PLAIN GROSS CONFESSION, PLEASE POST IMMEDIATELY.

 

 

Some might be ashamed to admit that they are under the care of a psychiatrist, but I ain’t ashamed. I REPRESENT the problem of cat anxiety to all those I meet (not that I meet many … my anxiety really is crippling and I spend most of my time under the bed when my roomies have friends over).

You probably notice that I didn’t just post about my anxiety for the sake of posting, but I disguised it as a complaint about the rising price of healthcare. That’s a Facebook favorite these days. THANKS, OBAMA.

 

 

Also, if you’re confused about how your medical history may affect your everyday life, ASK YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS. You’ll be amazed at the wealth of information your FB friends can provide.

3. COMPLAINTS IN DISGUISE ALWAYS GET THE MOST FEEDBACK.

 

It’s no secret that I hate everybody. EVERYBODY. (Yes, you too, Evanshine). It’s really fun to publicize this repeatedly, though.

4. ESPECIALLY COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS.

 

 

See? I like to make a complaint with just enough detail that the one I am complaining about immediately recognizes it. (AHEM, ALLISON). Then, if your friends ask what’s up, as they should, you can explain in even MORE detail. Good things come to those who READ THE COMMENTS.

5. IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF CURRENT EVENTS, FACEBOOK > GOOGLE.

 

I don’t read the paper, or watch the news. Obviously. I am busy enough napping in the sun all day. So when I hear a little snippet of a current event, I just post on FB and usually someone can help me out. I trust my friends’ summaries of the news more than I trust the News itself.

6. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT GO WRONG WITH A SELFIE.

 

Even if it makes you look fat.

 

You're welcome, friends. Now leave me some love in the comments section (which Allison finally figured out how to use, so you should be able to actually leave a comment now), or email me at mabelthecatbuckley@gmail.com. (I am pretty bad about checking my email, though, so be warned).

Five on Friday

Today, I branch out into a “link up.” This is where I write on the same topic as a bunch of other bloggers and somehow new readers find their way to my page. Facebook friends, if I can get some new readers, this may take a little of the pressure off of you!

New readers, Welcome! This blog is going to be right up your alley if you like the following: Kate Middleton, cats, cat videos, Pinterest, hilarity, and complaining. Also:sarcasm. If not, you may want to move on in the link-up. Right now, additional hot topics are the Olympics/Kristi Yamaguchi (because I am participating in a fantasy Olympics league which I was dominating but am now in an embarrassing 10 th place) and hot yoga (because I stupidly agreed to a 30-classes-in-30-days challenge at the suggestion of my friend Anna).

Anyway, today’s topic is “Five on Friday,” which seems to mean I can just write five random thoughts! This I can do. Here we go:

ONE

 

photo from USMagazine.com

 

Kate Middleton recently took her first trip with Baby Prince George out of Mother England. Like George, Mabel (my precious cat, for all you new readers out there) had a new experience recently, too! She got to take a walk into the polar vortex on a leash. She was not really a fan, and when she heard the neighbor shoveling snow, she started wailing and I had to take her inside. I bet George’s trip was equally unsuccessful.

 

TWO

 

I’ve got a new favorite saying. I heard it when I called a surveyor for something at work and asked him how he was doing. His response: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” Love it. That’s what I’m going to start telling people when they ask me how my life is.

 

THREE

 

Hot yoga is literally killing me. (Sidenote: I just went to a lunch seminar on why saying “literally” diminishes women’s speaking because it is rare that the word is used correctly. However, in this case, it really is literally killing me.) This 30-day challenge was a terrible idea! I have been every day since January 31, but I’ve missed two days that I have yet to make up. The instructors are starting to know my name, which means that they now correct me in class by name, which is much harder to ignore than “Hey, pink shirt! Lean forward more!” I’ve got a sore left knee and two sore mystery muscles in my posterior. I am not sure that I will make it to the end of the month … but they’re having free smoothies and snacks on the 28^th, so I’ve got to stick it out … right?

FOUR

 

As I have mentioned before, I'm in a Winter Olympics Fantasy League. You would probably say I was a phenom early on in the season, shooting out to an insane lead and having several members of the international press call me for interviews. You may read one glowing article about me here.

 

However, someone seems to have screwed with the results, because I have seen my position plummet from front-runner to tied for tenth place. This is obviously complete BS and I will not stand for it, League President Anna Girard! I blame you for your silly limit on the number of figure skaters a person is allowed on their team. I had both Ashley Wagner and Yulia the Russian skater on my team and both really disappointed me. Kristi Yamaguchi would not have treated me that way.

 

FIVE

 

Speaking of Kristi Yamaguchi, I am sad to report that I have not yet found the letter that Kristi and/or her assistants wrote me back in ’92. I will go ahead and re-post the autographed photo that she sent along with the letter here for all you new readers visiting for the first time:

However, I was able to unearth this letter that Mr. Rogers wrote to me and my brother – apparently in response to some fan mail we wrote him. I was big on fan mail in the 90s, apparently. If you can get past what dorks my brother and I were, I think you will agree that Mr. Rogers was the nicest man in the history of the world and we should all be more like him in our correspondence.

Well, this has been fun! Hope to see you again around these parts. There are some really great posts scheduled for next week, so stay tuned...

I'm Alive!

Well, well, well.

Here I am! I do apologize for my serious lack of posts lately...it appears that it has been nearly two weeks since we last spent time together on the World Wide Web. As you will see in a number of posts I hope to write in the next few days, I have been quite busy lately:

• I went to New York! Didn't get mugged or murdered, plus I bought a fake purse. I did, however, make a bad decision in bringing my "cute" but thin coat instead of the big marshmallow coat. Rookie mistake. I know you're dying to know more about this voyage, but you'll just have to wait till I find the time to write about it. 

• I came home to Kentucky, only to nearly freeze to death in the Polar Vortex Part II. Our kitchen pipes froze but (I think) didn't explode. 

• I had a near-death experience. I came home one night to find the house smelling weird - like gas, or so I thought. So, at my urging, we called the emergency hotline and the gas company came out at midnight to see if we had a leak. We did not. I was slightly embarrassed.

• I have been really focusing on my practice.... No, not of the law, but of hot yoga. And by "focusing on my practice," I mean thank goodness you pre-pay for a month's membership, because OMG it's hot as a mo-fo in there. Also, I hate to sweat.

• But I'd say the biggest change around these parts is Mabes. That precious little girl is growing quick as a weed:

*

There she is. Adorable, right? I bet you'd forgotten what she looked like in the many weeks she's been absent from the tudor house blog. But with Mabel's huge size comes quite a bit of responsibility for mama. Bigger litter boxes to clean out, bigger water bowls to refill. So as soon as I give her a bottle, I'll be back in cyberspace working on my next post.

Until then ...

* OK, technically this may not be a picture of Mabes. But it is a picture of a baby tiger cub I got to play with a couple of weeks ago at the Wildlife in Need sanctuary in Indiana. As you can see, it was pretty awesome. And you thought this was a boring cat lady blog ...

A Birthday Tea for Kate

(As if you didn’t know,) Kate Middleton’s birthday is today! Happy birthday to Kate! By the time you read this, I will be en route to Jolly old England for the occasion.

Many news outlets are writing articles wondering what Kate will do on her birthday – apparently she used to spend it on romantic getaways with Willie or partying with Pippa, but the arrival of new Prince George seems likely to put a damper on things this year. Apparently, her plans have not been publicized … until now.

Kate will be spending her birthday in the comfort of her own palace, with just a small party of five – Kate, Wills, Georgie, Me and Mabel. We haven’t made a big deal of our plans because we don’t want the paparazzi to swarm us, but you’ll see pictures in People soon enough. The paparazzi can be so determined sometimes, you know.

To get ready for her first royal tea, Mabel and I practiced and had a little tea party last night.

We’re bringing Kate a nice little basket of Kentucky-themed items … bourbon, a few racehorses, a patch of bluegrass sod, a bucket of KFC, etc. I just know she’s going to love it. I hope all you readers out there have a safe and happy Kate's birthday.

Oh, and by the way, the hedgehog Christmas ornament that I ordered online in the midst of my brief love affair with the hedgie arrived today. Just in time for the holidays. Maybe I’ll give it to Mabel.

Also, were you wanting to order a photo of Mabel with your Christmas money? If so, the file's below. MEOW.

Post-Christmas Boasts

Welcome back, my dearest readers. I hope you had a great Christmas, full of cat naps, gossip mags, and napping cats. Oh, and family time, and most importantly of all, gifts.

I did. After spending Christmas Eve gorging myself on a feast from the land and the sea, I worried that I would not be able to partake in the Christmas Day meals my and Evan's families had in store. Not to worry. I rose above the full stomach and nausea to conquer all of those meals, too.

Before I get to bragging about my Christmas gifts, let me tell you about yet another similarity between Kate and myself (me? I don't even know. It's late. I've spent the last 4 hours creating my new blog header ... please tell me you noticed?). Kate was not allowed to bring sweet Lupe with her to Christmas with the Royals, apparently because the Queen's little corgis are total jerks and would have eaten him alive had he shown up. In a similar snub, my own mother barred Mabel from our family's Christmas celebrations.

Why, you ask?

Like the Queen, my parents have a dog with a bad-itude. Meet Buddy Jr.:

Who, me?

Buddy is not welcoming of guests in his home. He is particularly averse to small children, my brother, and Mabel. The last (and only!) time he was invited into the tudor house, he snuck out of my mom's eyesight and chased Mabel all over the place, causing a serious relapse in anxiety and leading her to move into the bathroom sink temporarily:

If it weren't 12:24 a.m., I would have made a hilarious speech bubble on this photo. Sorry.

Anyhoo, my dear mother refused to let her own grand-cat attend Christmas, which certainly put a damper on things. Like Kate, I am quite fond of my furry child, and I couldn't enjoy the days as much without her on my lap, biting my wrists, etc.

And poor Mabel was forced to stay home, drowning her sorrows under the empty tree.

On a lighter note, I am proud to brag that for Christmas I received a flying pig, permission from Evanshine to buy myself a pet hedgehog*, and my favorite gift of all:

No, your eyes are not deceiving you! My own piece of Royal Wedding Commemorative China!

 

Despite the Queen's my mother's best attempts to spoil my Christmas spirit, it was a wonderful mid-week holiday made even brighter by the fact that approximately everyone I work with took Thursday and Friday off! Now I'd better get to coming up with a list of resolutions before tonight at midnight...

See you next year!

* Technically, I have not received this gift...  Yet. 

Merry Christmas!

Meow-wy Christmas from Mabel, Guest Blogger Extraordinaire

With the holidays coming up, I’ve decided to take the day off from blogging. I’ve got a lot of Christmas shopping and baking and wrapping to do. I know how many loyal readers out there get upset when I am not available online … so I’ve asked my best friend, Mabel, to step in as a guest blogger. I hope you all are preparing for a MEOW-wy Christmas this year! 

---

Of course she did. I would have bet you $100 that the Lady ended her introduction with some play on “meow.” She is truly predictable, just like this blog. I’m just shocked that she didn’t find a way to mention her beloved Kate Middleton. I’m so glad the Lady had my toenails ripped out of my tender paws at a young age, just because that means I’m not allowed to go outside and be embarrassed by the Lady in front of the neighborhood cats.

Well, if you want my real feelings, I must first say that my Christmas season has not been very “meow-wy” so far. Gross. I’m sorry about that ridiculous pun. The Lady’s wearing off on me. I also must say I’m not sure where she gets off, telling you I’m her “best friend.” This is the same lady who dresses me in an embarrassing elf t-shirt at Christmastime, discusses my most personal problems and medications on the World Wide Web (are they still calling it that these days?) and finds it hilarious that I may have been (mistakenly, by a new vet that I believe may be afraid of cats) diagnosed with Herpes. And she wonders why I won’t wear my half of the BFF necklace she bought us.

Anyhoo, for some reason, the Lady and Man brought me home a giant tree this year. I love it, which is really saying something, since I hate most things and people. To further please me, they hung cat toys all over the tree and placed a giant water bowl at the base, and I LOVE IT. I spend most of my time under the tree staring up at its glorious branches, or peering on its beauty from afar.

I haven’t decided if I’ll try to climb it or not; I’m generally exercise-averse, but the thought of ruining the Lady’s day by knocking it over and hopefully breaking some of their toys does excite me. However, I would run the risk of them getting rid of the tree, which would ultimately hurt me. So I haven’t decided my plan.

But, being the Lady, she of course put the tree in the most inconvenient spot: directly in front of my window, and she took my chair and stuck it in the office. This is complete BS. They leave me at home all day with nothing to do but look out the window, then they take away the only way I can actually get to the window. Typical.

Also, after they noticed that I enjoy spending time under the tree, they started putting random boxes under it and taking up my space. I demanded that they move them, and they cleared me out a little empty spot to enjoy myself in, but the whole thing is just so predictable. They see I like something, and they take it away. I would run away, if they hadn’t taken my claws, deprived me of any real cat skills, and injected a tracker under my fur.

Well, I’ve had enough of this “blogging.” It seems to take up quite a bit of the Lady’s time, so I thought it would be more enjoyable. I guess I was wrong, just like she was when she recently told someone I haven’t been peeing on stuff lately. Sucker!

Back to staring off into space.

 xoxo

P.S. I hate the Ugly Angel.

Let the Wedding Planning Begin!

It's been reported that Pippa Middleton's boyfriend, Nico, a stockbroker from London, popped the question while the two were on holiday at the beginning of this month! This is great news, both because I'm happy for Pipps, and because this means a few trips to London for wedding showers, hen parties, and the wedding itself are in my future! As you know, Pippa was a bridesmaid in my own wedding earlier this year (standing in for Kate, who was with child and didn't want to risk leaving me high and dry on my wedding day), so I can only assume that I will be getting the request any day now, as she starts to plan her big day.

Me, Pippa and Nico hanging out one night recently. We're the three 

best friends that anyone could have.

You probably remember that Pippa was kind of inconsiderate and wore white to my wedding. I have forgiven her and will wear whatever dress she asks me to wear. Evanshine may not be able to attend as my +1, so I've decided to take Mabel if he can't make it. She, however, hasn't forgiven Pippa and just may wear some wedding-themed attire to Pippa's nuptials.

To get ourselves psyched up for Pippa's big day, and to help Mabel pick out her outfit, Mabel and I had a fully voluntary bridal inspired photoshoot this weekend. We will probably get one of these images blown up on a 20x30 canvas to give Pippa and Nico as a wedding gift. If you'd like to order one for your personal use, leave me a message in the comments section below and I'll send you the high-res version of the image you'd like.

As you can see, Mabel makes a truly radiant bride. You can see the love she has for me and for her future husband clear as day in her eyes.

Does that lace look familiar to you? It was leftover from my Ugly Angel's dress.

And this is where things started to fall apart.

Like any great model, Mabel is a bit temperamental, and when she was done having her picture taken, she was ready to get outta the studio. So this is a very limited set of photos. But instant classics, I think you will agree.