Wednesday, March 5, 2014

2014 Hate List: Vol. III

It’s been a while since anything has really gotten my goat – probably because of all the good yoga vibes I’ve been stockpiling. But the more I go to yoga, the more convinced I am that I really hate yoga mats. Here’s why.


2014 Hate List
by Allison Buckley

1. Hedgehogs.

2. Cold temperatures without snow days.

3. Eating and being healthy.

4. ABC being cryptic with what "goes down," so to speak, between the Bachelor and his ladies.

5. Yoga mats.
They are incredibly germy and disgusting. Imagine yourself for a moment in a room heated to 105 and pumped full of 40% humidity. Now imagine that the room is packed chock full of women and men in skimpy clothes. Now imagine that as they start to move into various yoga contortions, these classmates start to sweat profusely, dripping sweat onto their towels, their mats, and the carpeted floor.

Now imagine that you are me, and have been scared of contagious diseases since that time in 1989 that you found your mom’s nursing school textbooks in the basement and looked at pictures of smallpox, and that you remember the MRSA outbreaks in gyms that were all over the news a few years ago.  Do you see how this could be a problem?

Allow me to indulge myself in a little diagramming:


all photos from leisure fitness.com

As you can see from my highly technical illustration, the germs from the yoga room floor make their way onto the bottom of your yoga mat, which you then roll up on itself. The floor germs are then transferred to the top of your mat that you stand on. Remember, folks, that I majored in science creative writing so I have a pretty good understanding of how this all works. I’m convinced I’m going to get MRSA from my new hot yoga obsession. BUMMER. But at least I’ll be in shape to fight off the infection … ?

I don’t know. There is probably an easy solution to this – such as disinfecting the mat, or buying a washable one, or something else smart. But I prefer to wallow in my hate list, so I’ll keep on keeping on.

Speaking of yoga, though, you know what else is gross? When people’s sweat drops directly onto your body when they step over you on your mat. Also, when someone who is taller than his or her yoga mat picks the spot in front of you and his or her giant, calloused feet get on your mat, get too close to your face, or even touch your head while you're trying to relax. I think we can all agree that is not very pleasant. Why am I taking these classes, again?

Namaste, friends.

1 comment:

  1. Remember when that gross old lady in the Let's Get Physical outfit fell over onto my mat? Ugh. I should buy a new one.

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